I remember one time when I was chanting in front of my Gohonzon I had an epiphany. I thought to myself it is my mission to become a compassionate Buddhist doctor for the sake of world peace. Because I had this vision, I decided to go back to the University at Buffalo (UB) to study pre-medicine at the age of 34. I was very fortunate that I had the support of my husband Bill. He believed in me and my dream.
I signed up for courses in physics, chemistry, and biology. I took physics 100 and chemistry 100 which were courses to prepare individuals for Introduction to Physics and Chemistry classes 101. Evolutionary biology was one of the toughest classes I had ever taken. Many people who were taking the class had taken AP Biology in high school. I had not. When I was in high school, I didn’t see going into STEM fields as a possibility for me. Although, my dad once suggested that I go to the Rochester Institute of Technology (RIT) and study engineering. My response was no way. My uncle Mario had studied mechanical engineering at RIT, and I guess my father had hoped I would follow in his footsteps.
I started out the semester strong. At least early on I was doing very well in my courses. I had shared with one of my peers my desire to become a compassionate Buddhist doctor for the sake of world peace. She shared with me that she wanted to become a dentist because her parents were and that provided them with a good life. As the semester continued, I began to struggle with the Evolutionary Biology Lab. We just got back some of our quizzes and we could see each other’s scores. It was then that my peer mockingly said, “and she wants to become a doctor?”
For my first semester of pre-med I did not do so great. But I was still determined to not give up and made a vow to myself that I would do better next semester. The following semester was going well, and I was very happy. I felt like I was about to turn a corner. It was March and near mid-terms, and I was delighted with my progress. Unfortunately, I was about to be given a major blow. Although I was doing well, I was under a lot of stress. I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to succeed. Shortly before my mid-term exams, I ended up having another mental break down and found myself at the psychiatric ward in Buffalo.
Even though I was struggling with my mental health, I knew that I needed to withdraw from the University at Buffalo. When I got out of the hospital, it was necessary to go about getting the paperwork ready to withdraw. I remember I felt overwhelmed at the time. I thought to myself, they don’t make it easy to withdraw from the university. I am supposed to jump through all these hoops while I was stuggling with my mental health? It just didn’t seem fair. Ultimately, through my own strenuous efforts, I was able to withdraw from UB for the spring semester.
I did feel defeated. I felt Iike I got knocked down when things were finally beginning to look up. I was daring to hope that I would successfully finish up my second semester at UB. I was even involved in the student SGI-USA club at UB. In fact, I was the club’s treasurer. We had many meetings on campus. My district co-leader was also active in the club. Shawn was the young men’s division district leader for Lakeshore District. We were both very active in the SGI-USA and participating in a lot of youth and district meetings together. I supported many of the youth division, especially some of our younger members who were still in high school.
When I was in the hospital, after my psychotic break, my husband Bill was there for me every step of the way. Although Bill is a man of few words when it comes to his feelings, his actions demonstrated his love for me. He held my hand as I was battling to regain my sanity. Thankfully, I also received a lot of support from the women’s division. Our women’s division district leader Laura came to visit me often. She really stood up and supported me when I needed it the most.