Working has always been a part of my recovery journey. I have worked in the human services for over 20 years. Once I remember that I was unemployed and got help from a local human service agency to find employment. I worked with a job coach. Fortunately, we were able to find a job for me. It was at Gold Choice which was part of UB Family Medicine. I was gung-ho when I started my job as a Spanish Speaking Member Services Representative. I was a phone answering machine. And the woman Nicole that trained me loved it because I did most of the work. However, it was not sustainable. I could not maintain that level of business. I complained to my supervisor that Nicole never answered the phone. So, she had to start working more. When I first arrived on the scene, she absolutely loved me because I worked so hard and left little for her to do. But like I said earlier it was not sustainable, and she didn’t like me anymore after I complained and she had to work harder. We had to work closely together; it wasn’t fun working with someone who clearly disliked me. I was also being asked to take on new job duties which were stressing me out. I hated my job. I don’t know why—but for some reason I thought that the only solution was to swallow a bunch of acetaminophen tablets. I told my poor husband Bill what I did, and he promptly took me to the Emergency Room at Millard Fillmore Hospital. Brylin Hospital was down the street within a short distance. But, despite that I still had to take an ambulance from Millard Fillmore to Brylin which seemed ridiculous because it was so close by.
And so, I entered Brylin Hospital and not for the first time. I had been there before. Brylin was and still is the Cadilac of mental health treatment in Western New York. In Buffalo, most patients preferred it over Buffalo General or ECMC. Unfortunately, Buffalo General no longer has a psychiatric unit and so ECMC and Brylin are the only games in town. Brylin is a private hospital and doesn’t accept straight Medicaid. Therefore, for many people ECMC is the only option. But I was fortunate. I had good health insurance through my husband’s New York State job. Last time I did not have a private room. I had a roommate, and I absolutely hated it. This time I was lucky, and my husband did pay extra for me to have a private room. I loved having a room all to myself. It made my stay there so much better.
My husband is a sweetheart. He came to visit me every day. He has always stood by me through my many mental breakdowns. My friends Laura and Carrie were a great support as well. One thing I can say about the SGI-USA is that we really take care of each other. When one of us is in a crisis, many people rush into support. They support through visits and through sending daimoku—which is chanting nam myoho renge kyo. I know that many people from the SGI-USA have chanted for me over the years. That’s one thing I really appreciate about it. I have made many friends in the organization. My friends in faith are like a second family to me. I have been a part of the SGI-USA for over 20 years. I was 31 when I joined and I am now 56. Although I am always told that I don’t look my age. I definitely think that chanting for the past 25 years keeps me youthful!
My practice of Nichiren Buddhism is extremely important to me. I embrace the three essential parts of the practice which are faith, practice and study. Honestly, the faith and practice come easily, and the study has always been more of a challenge. Which is strange, because I do love to read. But I have decided to study every night which I am doing. And if I miss a night for some reason, I can always redetermine again the next day. In Buddhism there is no guilt, and we believe in not focusing on the past and moving from this moment forward.