Today is Sunday, November 2, 2025, and it is 1:24am and I cannot fall asleep. I have been transitioning to a new medication. I had been on olanzapine for many years. A couple of years ago, I tried to transition from olanzapine to aripiprazole. You may be more familiar with their brand names which are Zyprexa and Abilify. I had picked the worst time to do this. It was when I had just started my position as the Medicaid Application Assistance Program (MAAP) Coordinator. The position was very stressful, and I started in not the best position mentally. I liked the way aripiprazole made me feel, but I could not sleep at night. When I had first attempted this new drug, my provider took me completely off olanzapine and put me on aripiprazole. So, I went from 15mg of olanzapine to 0mg of olanzapine and started taking 15 mg of aripiprazole. I really wanted to switch to aripiprazole because I heard good things about it from some people that I knew, and I had also heard that it had fewer side effects. But I was unable to sleep at night. After a few weeks of this, I decided to go back on olanzapine. I couldn’t function with little to no sleep, and I simply could no longer afford to try to ride it out.
I decided to try again a couple of years later. I am in a good position. I am back to doing what I excel at which is outreach. This is work that I love, and I don’t find it stressful. Unfortunately, I had been fired from my position as the MAAP Coordinator. I worked in that position for one year and four months. I knew I had made some mistakes as a supervisor, but I didn’t think it was enough to get me fired. However, I don’t regret going for the promotion. I did learn a lot, and I was a supervisor for over a year. If I had to do it over, I would do it again.
Anyway, I figured it was worth trying the medication adjustment again. We started by reducing my olanzapine to 10mg and then 5mg and then 0mg. I went from 5mg of aripiprazole to 10mg and then finally to 15mg. As I went down on the olanzapine, I went up on the aripiprazole. Tonight is my first night without my olanzapine. I think there will just be an adjustment period. Also, previously I took 200mg of trazodone and I went down to 100mg. According to my provider increasing my trazodone could be an option. For now, I will see. It is only my first night without olanzapine. I imagine that it will get better.
Bill and I need to work on our bedroom this weekend. We talked about it, and we are going to tackle it later today. I also have my Buddhist meeting at 11am. It is Kosen Rufu Gongyo or World Peace Day. I am thinking that I might try to get there at 10:30am to get an extra half hour of chanting in.
I will be leaving for Orlando, Florida this Friday. I am very much looking forward to this trip. I need to visit my family more. My parents are getting older, and I have a couple of family members who are really struggling with their health. I want to visit them while I still can. I also just had a birthday yesterday. I turned 57. The thing is I don’t feel my age at all. I feel so much younger. It’s funny, but I feel like with each year of Buddhist practice I feel younger. I started practicing at the age of 31. When I was 31, I felt old. Which to me seems ridiculous. Now, I am 57, and I feel young at heart.
Well, as stated earlier we are going to tackle our bedroom later today. I feel like once we get our house in order, that will free me up to focus on other things. I think that the disorder sucks up too much of my time and energy. I need to free that up so that I can focus on healing myself from my trauma. I also believe that when I do heal myself its effects will ripple outward. Nichiren Buddhists believe in dependent origination which basically means that we are all interconnected. I do believe that when I am able to heal from my childhood trauma this will have positive effects on everyone who is connected to me!