I met with both of my counselors today. At work we have this program called the Employee Assistance Program and one of its benefits is that you can use it to work on an issue you want to tackle for four sessions with a counselor. When I first called EAP, I was so motivated. I got a lot done and made a lot of progress. I don’t know why, but I lost that motivation. Our house is becoming chaotic again. I don’t like having a chaotic environment. In Nichiren Buddhism we believe that your environment is a reflection of yourself. I don’t like what mine is saying about me right now. I think many people would be shocked if they saw my house. I am not proud of it. If my mom were to show up right now, I would be mortified. Bill and I grew up in clean and organized spaces. I don’t know why we are like this. But actually, it’s good that we are similar in this aspect, because otherwise we would probably be divorced by now.
I remember when I lived in my studio apartment on 16th Street my living space didn’t look like this. I also remember my first serious boyfriend Mark. We lived together for a few years, and we did not keep our apartment like Bill, and I keep our house. I do believe that everything has a Buddha nature. According to Nichiren Daishonin even the most finite particles of dust have one. I feel like I am showing disrespect to everything in my house, by not taking care of it. Even though I do have these beliefs it hasn’t proven to be enough for me to change my behavior. Although, I have to say that I haven’t really dedicated my Buddhist practice to tackling this head on. It’s okay to chant for anything and I do believe that all our prayers are answered. I could chant for motivation to clean and organize my house. This is important to me so why not use my most powerful tool in my wellness toolbox?
I think I am going to take a leap of faith and decide to use my practice of chanting Nam myoho renge kyo to help me change my behavior. This is also something that I can work on with my regular counselor. I am going to see her again in two weeks. I do have a good relationship with her. I feel very comfortable with her. I think maybe we can tackle my chaos and my trauma. I was just curious about something and decided to ask to google a question. What percentage of the U.S. populations experiences childhood trauma? The response was, “Approximately two-thirds of U.S. adults (64%) have experienced at least one adverse childhood experience (ACE), which can include various forms of trauma.” More people have experienced childhood trauma than those who have not.
I plan on visiting my family in Florida soon. My parents are getting older, and I have some family members that I love who are really struggling with their health. I think it is time for me to make another visit. I am just waiting for my pto to kick back in. I will have pto (paid time off) again after I have been at work for six months. I am going to wait a little bit for the hours to accumulate and then Bill and I will fly to visit our family. I think it would make my parents happy. I am thinking of maybe trying to surprise someone and not let them know that I am coming.
I have been having some good chants lately. I have been chanting about the mentor disciple relationship which is an important concept in Nichiren Buddhism. The mentor and disciple work together towards a shared vision and the mentor’s desire is that one day the disciple surpasses them. They are equals. In the SGI second President Jose Toda was third president Daisaku Ikeda’s mentor. The first president Tsunesoburo Makiguchi was Jose Toda’s mentor. Ikeda Sensei realized the blueprints that his mentors had created. They had a vision that he made reality and then surpassed. I am reading the New Human Revolution, and I am on volume 28 of 30 volumes. I am reading it because I am seeking to understand and connect with my mentor. Lately, I have been chanting to treasure the person in front of me like my mentor Ikeda Sensei.