I had a very nice Thanksgiving. I spent it with Bill, his brother and the mommy of the dog we are fostering. We had ordered from the Rose and Bloom. They dropped it off Thanksgiving morning around 11:30am. We had a wonderful meal together. We ate an early dinner like around 2pm. We had a nice time hanging out and chatting with one another. It was a small Thanksgiving, but it was also a wonderful Thanksgiving. We are hoping to get together in a few weeks for Christmas too.
I talked to the program director at my local mental health clinic a few days ago. I have decided that I am going to continue seeing my therapist until the New Year. The program director did say that there is a therapist that she has in mind for me but that she is not accepting new patients until the New Year. She said that if I find I still want to change to give her a call in 2026. I don’t have a problem waiting for the right therapist. The New Year isn’t that far away. My prospective new therapist is someone who specializes in trauma. I was thinking of seeing someone in private practice, but I don’t have the best insurance. I did reach out to a counselor, but she told me that her supervisor said they no longer take my insurance and that I would have to pay out of pocket—which is $110 per session. I can’t afford to pay that. So, I need to try to work with my clinic, because at least I know that they accept my insurance. When Bill initially chose this plan, he did so because the mental health insurance benefits were excellent and they were at first. But then over the years, this has eroded. Now, there are many therapists who don’t take my insurance, and I can’t afford to pay out of pocket. There is a big difference between paying a $25 co-pay and $110. Well, I can at least be happy about that. I know that there are some insurance plans that have much higher co-pays for mental health providers. I also know that there are some people who are a little snobbish about mental health. They can look down on others for going to clinics and not seeing someone in private practice. The thing is that private practice is not an option for many people. We need to go to local clinics because they accept our insurance.
This morning when I was chanting, I thought to myself, “I need to treasure myself so that I can treasure others.” I know that I do have a problem with self-love. I also know that for some reason I can’t see my own Buddha nature. This is very frustrating for me. I was talking to one of my friends and she said, “I can see your Buddha nature.” “Why, can’t I see my own Buddha nature?” This is something I have been asking myself a lot lately. I remember many years ago a friend had asked me, “If I saw my own Buddha nature.” I remember, “I said yes.” And I looked at her like she was crazy. Years later, I experienced this very same struggle. Unfortunately, I have been struggling with this for decades. Now, I can understand where she was coming from. And I kind of feel stupid for responding to her with arrogance in my heart, instead of compassion. That was early on in my practice. I believe that I have much more compassion than I once did.
I am going to the Spanish Language Conference in May 2026. I am very excited about this. I will practice my Spanish with my friend this Sunday. I am hoping to practice Spanish with my What’s Up Group this Thursday at a local café. We met at 7pm on Thursday, November 13th. There was a small group of us practicing together. Initially, it was just four of us practicing and then a bit later, two more people joined us. It was a lot of fun, and I am looking forward to doing it again. I still do have my goal of being fluent by May 2026! I couldn’t meet on the 20th because we had our Thanksgiving dinner at work. And then the following Thursday was Thanksgiving. We are hoping to meet on Thursday, December 4th.