Today is Tuesday, December 16th, 2025, and the past week has been hell. It seems like when things go wrong, they all go wrong at once. Two days after we ended our district meetings on a high note, I tested positive for COVID. Of course, being me, I automatically assumed all the blame. Right away, I assumed that I was the one who spread COVID to everyone and thereby felt guilty. That has been a tendency of mine for many decades. Something bad happens, somehow Lisa Maria is to blame. Is it because of my Catholic origins that I have this tendency to assume guilt? I suspect so. Anyway, a couple of my friends ended up getting ill and I felt terrible. Although, I’m sure that whoever gave it to me, also had no idea. I felt great on Wednesday! I had no signs of sickness at all. It was afterwards that I cringed, remembering how much I have interacted with and embraced others.
The next day, I went to the Spanish speaking group, and it was a lot of fun. It was a smaller group this time, there were four of us there. I feel that four is a really good number. Less than that can sometimes feel a little awkward. Initially we started with two, and then three and four followed. We had some good conversation and really enjoyed ourselves. I even told them about the Parranda—which I was excited about. I was looking forward to going so much.
I started getting sick on Friday. My nose was running a lot, but I didn’t really think too much of it. Then Saturday arrived and I was knocked on my ass. I was so very tired. I could not get out of bed. I was supposed to work in the afternoon and I had to cancel. Bill and I were supposed to go to the Parranda in the evening. I was in no condition to go. Later that night, I tested positive for COVID. Bill said I was very positive. I decided that I was going to follow the CDC guidelines. I would shelter in place for 5 days and then make sure that I didn’t have a temperature for at least 24 hours. Then I would return to work. I was determined to not give my coworkers the gift of COVID for Christmas.
I was going to work Sunday as well, and I had to call to cancel. Maybe this was the Universe’s way of telling me to SLOW DOWN. So, I really tried to rest and do my self-care. On Saturday, I had been so sick all day that I didn’t even chant. Sunday morning, I was feeling better, so I joyfully resumed my chanting practice.
Today, is Wednesday, December 17th, 2025. I went back to work this morning. Of course I wore my mask to work. It did feel good to be back after missing a couple of days. I was tired though today. I did have several cups of coffee. We worked on our affirmations project today. Mine is, “I love myself unconditionally.” I am not there yet, but I will be. This morning when I was chanting, I was thinking to myself, “I am a Buddha. I love myself unconditionally.”
Honestly, right now, I don’t love myself unconditionally. I do put conditions on my self-love. I will love myself when I lose thirty pounds. I will love myself when I accomplish x, y and z. I will love myself when I am finally successful at m. Why do we do this to ourselves. We put off our self-love and our happiness. I will be happy when I land that new job. I will be happy when I get a promotion. I will be happy when I get a raise. I will love myself when I am thin because of course thinness equal beauty. Why do we put off our joy and self-love? I say, “No!” I am going to love myself now. I am a Buddha now. I deserve to be happy now! We can love ourselves now. We can love ourselves as we are and we can love all the paths we have taken during our lives without regret. We did the best that we could at that time. The time is long past for us to forgive ourselves for all our past mistakes and to love ourselves because we are human.